SOUL-SEARCHING….

When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.
The Alchemist

You know whenever I think of giving up on life, rather to my circumstances , people around me - the hustle-bustle in my mind, taking the count of the innumerable failures I have encountered and with each and every thought I become successful in making myself feel more miserable, lonely, desperate and then the ultimate gush of emotions - I suddenly RISEE!!!.....

There's a always a force within me, some kind of an unknown force that keeps whispering to me "You are more. Much more than you are externally!!...Rise!!!"...

What influences me to think this way, I really don’t know, but its this voice which has kept the fire inside me burning......TO DO SOMETHING!!..WHICH I AM REALLY MEANT FOR!!...THE REAL ME!! THE SOLE PURPOSE OF ME BEING ON EARTH !! THE MISSION !!

This power within me ...rules/chucks out every bad, negative thought/air around me.....and tells me to LIVE!!!

LIVE FOR THE ALMIGHTY!!...who Created me..Sent me here on this EARTH with a purpose...

"What is that GOD wants me to do??"

"Why has he given ppl ard me who don’t understand me, always deny me, and discourage me??"

"why me???" "why me GOD???" "Why??"

And I always find the answer as "Rads!!....I give you all these tests so that you become an expert in solving them one fine day!!..just like solving problems again n again in maths will make u a master of it in the end..Cos I know your capabilities more than u think you know about urself....Trust me!!!

If I am giving you the dark nights, the emptiness........then it's me only who will give u the Sunshine, bright days...I am always there for you...cos you are my Angel, my Child, my Anu!!"

And every time this answer echoes in my ears, I suddenly become Confident, Charged Up.......and start marching towards my GOAL!!

Call this as "Soul-Searching"...or whtever....call this as insane/abnormal...huh!!...I hardly care!!

But atleast I am living for "SOMETHING"...in life.....compared to others who are living to-just - live!!!

This unleashes the spirit within me!! I know its there!! I don't try to make people take notice of it (though they will, one fine day) but just want to realize my own true self for myself.

Call it a sweet escape or a willful farsightedness; it pleases me beyond anything I have ever seen or felt. I feel a sense of exhilarating freedom from my body which I don't feel otherwise. I'm just being truthful to myself. Well, I am by all means an escapist who simply loves to get eternally lost in the creative sensations of my innermost conscience.

It makes me feel light. It makes me feel like everything I ever wanted to be but couldn't and now is the time to be that!!

I AM NOT GOING TO DISSAPOINT YOU MY LORD!!!...NOPE!!

--AnuRadha